My dad said I couldn’t marry him!
You have decided to get married and it is perhaps the biggest joy you could ever imagine. Consequently, you have informed your parents. Today, people don’t always wait for the approval of parents before they pop the question, everyone has their take on it. Personally, I like the traditionalism of the whole thing, you know the guy goes and asks my dad for my hand in marriage before he proposes to me. But then again, am a closet ‘hopeless’ romantic.
Be it as it may, however he decides to do it, you eventually have to meet ‘the parents’ – on both ends. I have heard horrific stories about mothers who hate their future daughters in law and fathers who think that no man is good enough for their daughter. I have heard stories about family feuds that could make any one cringe from disgust, and I have heard stories of couples who are estranged from their families because they chose their love over their families. In my books and in the words of Rodney King, « why can’t we all just get along?«
I sympathise with those couples who have to make a choice, but I rarely ever empathise with the ones who walk away from something they believe to be so great because they listened to their parents. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe and think sometimes our parents observations and reticent are warranted, often I think they are usually fundamentally based on hypocrisy or just the simple fallacy of ‘judging a book by its cover’. I don’t want to go ahead and do the same thing, condone these parents without knowing their true motivations, but I do want to say:
Parents should ONLY advice and NOT decide!
It is a tale as old as time and you have probably already heard it before, but what good is it, if I don’t say it too. The best way to learn in life is to make your own mistakes through your own decisions. But it even goes beyond that, parents should be confident and asserted in the decision and conviction that they have brought their children right and imparted on them the ability to be good judges of character. If your child brings home someone, you should trust that they have thought well about it…. If you question that ability to judge then perhaps you should question their education and by extension your influence on your child… Okay, okay, maybe I am being too harsh but truth is why would you want to make the decision for your child? They won’t have to spend the rest of their life with you, so why do you care?
As far as am concerned, the main reason why Parents should let their children decide and only advice is so that they can have bragging right in the end: I told you so is always so sweet. Ok maybe am being a little devilish here, and parents just want the best for their children and yadiyada….but experience has thought me that the more you try to push something on a child (no matter how old he or she is), the more they want the opposite of what it is that you are selling. So want my « expert » advice? Reverse psychology those kids into believing what you want. Don’t decide – just advice!
Nota Bene: As grown children I think it is your prerogative to simply take into consideration what your parents say, while weighing the positives and the negatives – ultimately the decision is yours, and remember actions have consequences. So whatever you decide after you’ve been « advised » you gonna have to live with.
So tell me, should parents decide? You might have a different take on the whole issue. Tell me.
Written by Nina Mayers
Blogger – bNw Collaborator
Photo credit : Siena Blanco Photography